When you lose your home...

With the recent destroying by fire of the beloved Inntiquity Inn in Logansport, not only ending a long-time family business, but also the home of the owners, who befriended and welcomed so many guests into their home, I share some of my thoughts on the grief of losing a home.  

You can lose a house in various ways: through divorce, foreclosure – no longer able to pay for it, you move, the death of a loved one, fire, flood, hurricane, tsunami, war and other disasters.

A house has a personality. It takes on personal characteristics, it breathes a personality, and those who live there relate to it and feel it. Our house may feel friendly, where we feel cozy, “at home”, safe, comfortable, peace. It may feel hostile, where we feel anxiety, resentment, repelled by the “air”, the furnishings, the memories, or by the episodes in our life while we’re living in that house. Our experiences while living in a certain house affect the personality of the house. A house, personified, has been witness to our daily life, our disappointments, our conversations, our meals, our frustrations, our arguments, our triumphs, our sleep, our family dynamics, our loves and our loses.

Losing a house or moving to a new house can make us feel we’ve lost some of our identity. Especially children or teens can feel a loss of identity in leaving a house they called “home”.

So, when we lose our home, we grieve, either short-term or long-term. It can be like a death of the house. The house died and some of our identity died with it. If it was a place we loved, we grieve the loss of a friend, a haven, a personality. If it was a place where we had stressful and tragic experiences, we grieve the loss of the home that we were not able to fix, the haven that never existed, the personality that was a part of our unhappiness; and we grieve the loss of time spent in that house under unhappy circumstances. So our experiences affect our perception of our house’s personality.

When your home is destroyed by fire, it is much worse because you lose a big part of your identity. You lose all your clothes, your shoes, your important papers, keepsakes from childhood, Mom and Dad’s precious things and memories, your tools and products for grooming in the morning: tweezers, clippers, nail files, brushes, combs, lotions, soap, hair products, skin products… the list goes on… Cleaning products, kitchen gear, cameras, photographs, computers, jewelry, medicines, books, tools, antiques…

Now we’re faced with developing a new relationship with a new house, becoming compatible with a new house personality. This is why moving to a new house and leaving a former house is near the top of the list of the most stressful things in life. Some people actually need therapy for relief from the grief they carry, but most people never have the pleasure of proper therapy. Some miss their “home” so much that the effects are carried into other pursuits, such as school, business and work. Children grieve a move which may include a new school. They grieve the loss of the neighbors to whom they became accustomed. Children grieve the loss of a home although parents usually don’t recognize the symptoms. Some people carry that grief for many years, feeling displaced and actually homeless.

This type of trauma is a form of PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is much like the trauma experienced by people in a war zone whose houses are destroyed. They become displaced persons.

Therapy can restore a sense of belonging. Naturally Restored Holistic Emotional Technique can bring great relief to one who has grieved the loss of their beloved home.  It can help people to let go of the limiting beliefs surrounding such a trauma, whether a house destroyed by fire or a house lost through other events.

I forgive myself for believing my life is destroyed because I lost my house.

I forgive myself for believing I will never have my life back again.
I forgive myself for believing my identity has been lost.
I forgive myself for believing I can never rebuild my life.
I forgive myself for believing that I died with that house.
I forgive myself for believing that I have to go back and change things before I can be happy.
I forgive myself for believing that if I don’t change things, I can never have a life that I love.
I forgive myself for believing I’m weak and therefore unable to heal.
I forgive myself for believing I have to feel guilty for losing my house.
I forgive myself for believing it was somehow my fault.
I forgive myself for believing I had to be in control.
I give myself permission to heal from the loss of my house.
I give myself permission to accept that my house is not my true identity.
I give myself permission to embrace another home as a new chapter in my life.
I give myself permission to embrace my quality of resilience that was always mine.
I give myself permission to accept that accidents and unforeseen occurrences happen all the time to many people.
I give myself permission to accept that it’s ok to not be the one in control.
I give myself permission to grieve the loss of my home.
I give myself permission to look at this in a new way.
I give myself permission to move from grief to acceptance and to the emerging light of a new era in my life.
I love and accept myself letting go of blame.
I love and accept myself as the individual I’ve always been wherever I’ve lived.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll have to move house again.
I love and accept myself finding a home wherever I live, now and continuously.
Without these negative emotions, I’m free to love and heal.